A Sneak Peek

Amalric examined the beach ball sized globe to the left of the throne room, it’s surface appearing to be made of smoky liquid. He squinted and pinched a small section of the land, and threw it toward the wall. It expanded to the shape of a large screen; the image zoomed in on a dark scene. A man enveloped in a black cloud of electricity. He wore a black hoodie with the hood up, both hands in the front pocket and his head down as he walked down a lively city sidewalk at night. He weaved through a few streets lined with bars and run-down shops. Passing by a dimly lit alley, he stopped abruptly, taking two steps back and looking down into its darkness.  

A young girl, about 22, stumbled down the pavement. Alone, she tried to brace herself against the damp brick wall. Her shoulder length red hair fell into her face as she lurched over behind a dumpster, her body expelling as much of the alcohol she had consumed as it could.  

The man eyed her greedily, taking in her blue high heels, her bare legs, her short, skin-tight black pleather skirt, the bright blue sleeveless tank top encrusted with sparkles. He quietly approached her. 

“Are you alright?” he asked her quietly. 

She spun around and threw a hand to her chest, startled. “I’m…fine,” she replied, a slur in her speech. 

“Are your friends nearby? Do you need help getting back?”  

“No… they all went home…without me,” she stammered. 

“I see,” he replied licking his lips, eyeing her body again. 

“I should… get going,” she mumbled as she tried to pass by him. 

He grabbed her arm. “Not a chance,” he said devilishly. He slammed the back of his hand across her face, knocking her to the ground. He grabbed hold of one of her ankles and dragged her further into the dark abyss, her drunken body unable to fight back. 

Amalric shook his head. “Ozul! I have another one for you,” he summoned. 

A tall, olive skinned warrior entered through the massive doors of the throne room, his glimmering gray wings resting gracefully behind him. “Sir? Which faction this time?” he inquired. 

“Lust. A pure sin soul. This poor girl,” he said, gesturing to the screen, “will sadly not meet the fate that was designed for her. Go now, while there’s still a soul to guard.” 

Ozul bowed briefly and turned toward the door. He moved his hands through the air, palms down, like straightening a cloth on a table. The floor slowly opened, creating a circular space large enough for his body and expansive wings to pass through. He jumped through, and the hole closed up behind him. 

Amalric turned back to the screen. With a flick of his wrist, he banished the image back to where it had come from. He looked to his left, at the throne. It was stunning, intimidating. Made of crystal, and wrapped in carvings of roses and swords. The seat and backrest, made of obsidian, were etched with ancient inscriptions, blessings and curses. Every inch of that throne was symbolic of who he was. Blessed and cursed. Good and evil, as it had been since his creation. A creation exploded into being from the love and hate that God and Lucifer both felt for each other in the exact moment of Lucifer’s expulsion from Heaven. An eternity of reigning over purgatory, or Earth as the souls called it. An existence of solitude, shut off from both God and Lucifer. Maintaining order and guiding fate’s design would be the closest thing to love that he would ever know, invisible to everyone but his soldiers; The Guardians.  

He sighed and looked to his right, to the obsidian spiral staircase that led to the garden above. The garden always quieted his rage at seeing the pure sin souls in action. His only wish was that he had someone to share its beauty with. Feeling apathetic, he moved toward the staircase and began to climb the many stairs. With each step, the fiery tips of his massive wings brushed along the delicate gold bars that lined either side of the staircase. Bright white faded into gray and black at the bottom, bordered by a small amount of fire at the blackened ends; his glorious wings were the only one of their kind among the many angels he had encountered. The archangels had black, the angels in Heaven had white, The Guardians had their gray, but Amalric’s wings were as alone as the body the belonged to. 

Reaching the top of the stairs, he ran one hand through his slightly wavy but luminous brown hair with a long blink as he inhaled deeply. He opened his neon blue eyes with a sigh and pressed through the heavy iron door to the garden. 

The door opened up into an expansive, breathtaking garden. The size of three football fields, it contained the most beautiful and aromatic flowers from every climate imaginable. The river rock paths were lined with trees and shrubs of every kind, interrupted only by ornately carved stone benches placed about every 50 feet. The ceiling was a large glass dome that held in a completely separate weather system, specifically designed for the foliage below. In the center of it all was a perfect little oasis. A small pond into which an elegant waterfall flowed, surrounded by ferns and a large weeping willow. Beneath the willow hung a swinging bench, brimming with sumptuous, velvety pillows. 

Amalric eased himself onto the swinging bench, throwing his feet up to one end and positioning some of the pillows behind his head. Placing one hand behind his head and the other on his chest, he closed his eyes. He had no need for sleep, but the actions of the pure sin souls combined with the abysmal loneliness he felt exhausted him. So, he daydreamed about a time and place where the purest forms of evil had been vanquished and he could live side by side with a great love. In his mind, he knew that the battle against those most wicked souls would ever cease to exist, but it still brought a smile to his face to think that maybe, someday. 

The scent of the flora and fauna surrounding him and the sound of the waterfall gently bubbling into the pond soothed him into a somewhat dream-like state, and he was finally able to relax himself into contentment. He laid there for a while, listening to the water and breathing deeply, when he heard the garden door shut firmly. Reluctantly, he sat back up and waited for the footsteps to draw nearer. It was Ozul, the lieutenant of The Guardians. He addressed Amalric with a bow. 

“The pure sin soul has been dealt with, sir,” he stated. 

“Very good, Ozul. Anything else to report?” Amalric asked. 

“Our foot soldiers also gathered 12 others; 3 Gluttony, 2 Sloth, 2 Greed, 1 Wrath, 1 Lust, 2 Pride, and 1 Envy. They have been placed in the vaults. Corporal Valerian also received word of a strange presence in a city called Olympia. Shall I send Private Xenos to investigate?” 

“Good work. Are you certain it’s not just a pure sin soul?” Amalric questioned. 

“Yes, sir. The soul’s aura contains the electric field of one, but the color is purple, not black. Which would also mean that it is not a plain human soul either, since their auras are green with no electric field,” Ozul confirmed. 

“Very well then. See what Private Xenos can find out and report back. You may go.” 

Ozul bowed once more and made his exit. 

Interesting, indeed. I’m sure Corporal Valerian must just be mistaken, Amalric thought to himself while walking back to the throne room. They have all been under a lot of pressure lately with the increase in the emergence of pure sin souls. Mistakes happen. Or so I hope.

My Current WIP

I think today’s post is going to be all about my current work-in-progress, that I have yet to decide on a title for. One step at a time, right? I’m sure the title will come in time, when I have more of the book written. So let’s break it down, shall we?

Alright, first things first here. The basic outline of the story. At the moment of The Fall, Lucifer and God experienced such intense emotions of love and hate simultaneously that, much like the big bang theory, a child was born into creation. This child’s purpose would be to rule over purgatory, or Earth as we know it, and maintain balance of good and evil. Under his command, he rules over a special class of angels named The Guardians. Their duty is to capture those souls that are born of pure sin, and destroy the demonic presence, The Dark Ones, those souls are connected to. As they go about their duties, they stumble upon a soul unlike any other. A girl whose soul is not pure sin, but also not that of a normal mortal. A girl who’s Bipolar 1 disorder manifests in mysterious ways, and throws their concept of balance off course. Clearly, to maintain that balance, she must be destroyed. But will The Guardians prove to be enough of a force to succeed in their mission? Perhaps the only one capable will be their leader himself; and even then, will he even be able to vanquish her?

Next, let’s talk about the main characters.

First up is our leader of The Guardians, Amalric. His existence is symbolic of his creation. Equal parts love and hate, good and evil. He is completely cut off from Heaven and Hell and has no way of communicating with either realm, though he does come across Angels and Archangels from time to time; he can’t understand what they say and they can’t understand him. He is loyal to his duties, but is sullen and has a longing for connection. He finds his peace in his expansive garden, where he spends time whenever he needs to find his focus again. His only friends are those in the higher ranks of The Guardians, the closest to him being his General, Bram.

Second is Isolabella, a 23-year-old girl from Olympia, WA. She shares a 2-bedroom apartment with her best friend above a Starbucks in Downtown Olympia. She is recently diagnosed Bipolar 1, and works at a record store. She has an orange tabby cat named Tiberus. She feels very lost and like she is just wandering the planet, constantly searching for her purpose. She sees the world through a different view than anyone she’s ever met, which makes her feel incredibly secluded. Finding solace in music and coffee, she manages to survive her rapid cycling phases, but has no interest in taking medications at this point in her life, since her phases haven’t been so destructive that they have caused permanent damage and she tends to enjoy the manic phases.

Now, we can talk about the inspiration behind the book. I talked previously about WHY I started writing, but I didn’t talk about the inspiration behind this story in particular. I have been reading a lot again (I go through phases) and it’s basically been the same genre and similar story line over and over again. Angels, fallen angels, a mortal girl, they fall in love, extensive plot and story line. I. Have. Been. Obsessed. Reading through an entire series in less than a week. But the thing that has really gotten to me in every story has been this: the girl is always some damsel in distress. Weak, helpless, always relying on her brave, strong angel to save her. Not this time. My damsel will not be one in distress. She will be strong, brave, and powerful.

I also didn’t want to use the same recycled character design that so many have used, even if it IS intriguing. So I wanted to design my own race of angels that are unlike anything I’ve read about. Maybe they aren’t unlike anything ever written about, but I haven’t found anything that sounds like them yet. Beyond that, I also wanted a leader that was unlike any other as well. I have read plenty about Lucifer and God and The Fall and everything in between, but a character such as Amalric is nothing I’ve heard any resemblance to.

I wanted something unique, just like my bipolar is to me. Every person diagnosed with bipolar experiences their phases differently. This WIP will show experiences that I have had, or those that I imagine are in the scope of reality. My hope is to shed some light on this illness, while also illustrating that those diagnosed with it are not weak. Bipolar warriors are among the strongest people, and with the biggest hearts, of anyone I’ve ever known. I can only hope that I can convey it properly with the written word of this story.

Until next time, my friends. 😉

Confessions, right?

Well, these are supposed to be my confessions, right? My struggles, my successes, my failures, and everything in between.

So let’s begin.

I haven’t been writing. At. All. Why? Lots of reasons. Shall we begin?

First of all, being a mom comes first and boy have we been busy. Doctor’s appointments, counseling appointments, school activities, birthdays, tantrums, illness, etc. I am worn out to say the least. But I think we finally have a lull in activities. Until school releases for the summer, that is. Oh boy…I’m not prepared.

Secondly, my husband has been struggling with his bipolar. Type 2. He has been in a deep depression for far too long now, and recently it got even worse. So, needless to say, I’ve been distracted. It’s hard to write about a fantasy land and figure out what your characters should be doing when your own reality is so dark and terrifying. When you legitimately worry whether or not the love of your life is going to make it through this fight or not. Writing comes second to that.

Thirdly, work. I recently lost a couple of my positions, which disheartened me a bit, but not in a big way. Losing them made sense since I only work one day a week now. But with that loss came opportunity for my remaining position to obtain some growth. I’m going to be in charge of all our social media correspondence now and trying to use that to grow our company. So taking that role on has meant more meetings with my boss and working out the intricacies of what the new position entails and working out a plan for how to do it all.

I know I should be writing every day. It’s too easy to fall into the habit of not doing it when I go so long without. Easy to make excuses. Oh, but there’s laundry to do, floors to clean, bedrooms to organize, kitchen and bathroom to scrub, on and on and on into oblivion.

But I want this book to be successful. I want the world I’m creating to reach people, to empower those with bipolar, like me. I suppose the book is aimed more toward those with type 1, same as me, but I think it will also really open the door for fiction writers to involve those with mental illnesses in their books. My main character is a strong women that struggles with an ugly illness. But she’s no damsel in distress. Far from it. She’s powerful, brave, and stubborn. She’s also been hurt, and finds it hard to trust people, which gives her a tough outer shell. But she loves with all her heart.

Aaaand I’m now rambling. In any case, my point is, I’ve only written one paragraph in the past week and have had almost zero presence on my social media platforms. Unacceptable. So tomorrow, I’ll be back at it.

Here’s to the anticipation of what’s to come. Stay excited and eager, my friends. 😉

In The Beginning

Alright, where to start?

Well, here I am, starting a blog. Which I honestly never thought I would do, but it looks like today is the day. May 30th, 2019.

My birthday was last Tuesday, May 21st. My “dirty 30”. I had started the day off just like any other day, nothing special. After I dropped my 3 year old off at his grandmother’s house I realized something. I was hitting a really aggressive manic phase. I got hit with really powerful images from my past. Images where I had fun, I was reckless, I had no worries, no kids. I lived every day like it was my last. And you know what? I missed it. I went straight to my weekly counseling session and I told her all about it.

Her thoughts? That I’m bored with my life. It had always been my goal since I was 15 to get married, have a family, be a stay-at-home-mom. At 30 years old, I have now achieved that. So…Now what? She suggested I set a new goal. That I daydream. Something I haven’t done in years because, quite frankly, I haven’t been able to. So I talked to my husband about it. He suggested that I write a book. When he first suggested it, I’ll admit, I laughed. Me? Write a book? I even asked him, what would I write a book about? Well, he knows that I have bipolar 1, and he also knows that I’m basically obsessed with nephilim. So that was his suggestion: write about a bipolar nephilim. I thought about it for a bit and decided that writing about nephilim is far too played out. Everyone has done it. It’s become an exhausted topic. But bipolar, now…he might actually have something there.

So I combined my love of the world of nephilim and knowledge of my illness and I started to write. I never ever thought it would become something that anyone would enjoy. I read the first chapter I wrote over and over again. It’s too choppy, there’s not enough dialogue, I’m not descriptive enough. Boy was I wrong.

I’ve sent the first two chapters to a few rather close friends and I’m amazed by the response. They think it’s amazing! They’re excited for me to release more! I can’t even believe it. And of course my mom says, “I knew you were an amazing writer all along.”

Time for the backstory!

All throughout school, I was way ahead of the curve with academics. I tested nearly off the charts for math and English. My state testing scores were significantly above average. My grandpa was an English teacher, and my grandma was a math teacher. In 6th grade, I tested at a college reading level. I was engrossed in reading and I could never get enough. When I went to high school my freshman year, I was placed in an honors English class. That’s when everything came crashing down and only got worse.

I started to fail all my classes. I was bullied non-stop. I wrote poetry to help me cope. I wrote all the time. Short stories, poems. But I never told anyone what I was feeling, I just got out all the ugliness inside my soul and I put it into words on paper. One day, I showed my mom my very first poem. She was sick with worry. I was diagnosed with depression and was put on medication.

And that was the end of my writing. My creative flow was completely blocked. I couldn’t imagine anything anymore. I couldn’t create a single creative paragraph. I took the medication for 4 years, and haven’t been medicated since. The creativity never came back. I thought my writing passion was a thing of the past. I was wrong. I just didn’t have the right inspiration.

So now I’m back at it and starting my first ever book! I’m extremely excited to put in work on it every day, and I’m taking on the challenges of each and every step to getting my works eventually published. I hope to share my experiences with others that struggle with mental illness, or would like to learn more about bipolar through the eyes of my characters.

I suppose with that I will conclude my very first blog post, and hope that you come back to check out more! Exciting things are on their way and I’m happy to share my journey with you!

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